widowdom sucks!

I can't believe how long it has been since I've posted on here...so long that my email that I used to make this blog has been deactivated since it has been so long since I have used it!  I just wanted to check in since it has been over 3 years.... So much has changed.  We have added 2 grandchildren to our family.  Addilyn was born into Tyler and Jen's family, and Oliver was born into Michael and Bunny's family.  We also have a son in law Shaun!  Valerie got married July 10, 2015.  I have been to Europe, Oregon, Disneyland, LEGOLAND....  All of these things without Thad...It makes me so sad sometimes in the midst of all the happiness around me.  I never ever imagined being a widow at the age of 45...Thad and I were supposed to grow old together...I think sometimes of what was supposed to have been, and I can't help but question God's plan for me.  I know He is in charge and His plan and timing is perfect, but holy cow.....Widowdom sucks!!!!!  I miss going on dates, holding hands, having someone call me and tell me how beautiful I am...but while I miss all of that, I have no interest in having that come from anyone other than Thad.  I know it sounds weird.  There are so many who remarry and are totally happy...and I'm not saying that will never happen....just not now.  I know a lot of  people think the definition of moving on is getting remarried, but I disagree with that.  I don't feel like I have ever been stuck or unhappy.  I have been very happy and feel grateful for all the many blessings I have, but that does not ever take away the love I have for Thad.  Our story goes way  back as many of you know.  That is a whole post in itself, but for now I will just keep living and loving and enjoying every breath I'm granted.  Life is too short to not enjoy what we have been given.  So today, I will dust off my boots, and continue to love and trust in my plan whatever it may be.